tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251918212024-03-15T20:09:52.162-05:00Madtown MamaBalancing life as a freelance musician and mom of two in Madison, WI.Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.comBlogger1066125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-26195255947895439882018-02-05T07:59:00.000-06:002018-02-05T07:59:00.473-06:00my comments to the Madison School Board last week<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Hello. My name is XXXX XXXXX and I have children at XXXX Elementary and XXXX Middle schools this year. I am speaking to you because I am one among many parents and families who are increasingly concerned about staff morale and teacher attrition in our schools. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-3de9d221-6642-ab48-481c-7327fe9da110" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When I read the Strategic Framework on the MMSD website, as I have done over and over again, I find nothing to disagree with in that document. Of course every school needs great teachers, shared leadership, high-quality professional development, and partnership with families to succeed! Who can argue with that?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">But those bullet points in the Strategic Framework do not fully reflect what we see, not at the schools where my kids attend, and not at other schools where I know families and teachers. We see teachers who are professionally confined by rigid schedules and boxed curricula. They are frustrated by the lack of opportunity to engage in meaningful collaboration with their colleagues. They are sometimes in unsafe classrooms because of student behavior and little or no support. Above all, they are afraid to speak up about any of this because they risk being labeled as chronic complainers who are opposed to change. Despite these conditions, we still have many excellent teachers who are making the best of this situation. They are rising to the occasion as best they can, and students are still learning. My own kids have always had positive and welcoming relationships with teachers and school staff. But a lot of teachers are exhausted, burnt out, and frustrated and that’s not good for anyone. We have them for now, but I fear the time is coming that many will choose to take their talents elsewhere and leave our district.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I will speak up. I and many other parents in our school community support Madison teachers. I know we can do better. Our schools have amazing, brilliant, capable, creative teachers with solid training and expertise. We need to recognize and value that expertise. Whenever big decisions are coming down the pike about things like curriculum, behavior management, and allocation for student support services, we need to get meaningful input from staff. That encompasses far more than a couple of power questions on a climate survey, or a listening session a few times a year with a small advisory board. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I think the key word here is “trust.” Teachers need to know that families and district leaders trust their expertise. In turn, teachers need to be able to trust that they can speak about what they know best - creating a learning environment for students that is engaging, responsive, enriching and safe - without fear of retribution. If we trust teachers to do their best work, students will flourish. Kids know the difference between being taught and being taught </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">at, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">and they behave accordingly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Remember that the learning environment for students and the work environment for teachers are one and the same. If we want to do right by our students, we have to do right by our teachers as well. </span></div>
Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-76845711846022321592017-10-26T21:13:00.005-05:002017-10-26T21:13:53.436-05:00embers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What do you see when you look at this picture?</span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-R8z69-3iqe8/We_7RHWEbRI/AAAAAAAAKTg/QXnlucDyy7ItrXXs0IpK0L29AsVTBicLwCLcBGAs/s1600/Mz90FpkmSHK6VwA7yE7C7w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-R8z69-3iqe8/We_7RHWEbRI/AAAAAAAAKTg/QXnlucDyy7ItrXXs0IpK0L29AsVTBicLwCLcBGAs/s640/Mz90FpkmSHK6VwA7yE7C7w.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see demon mouths and scary wolf faces, a sign of Halloween nearly upon us, I suppose.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The picture is just a blurry shot of glowing embers from a back yard fire last weekend. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had some of Daniel's friends over that evening. Thank goodness it was warm and wasn't raining and we were able to send them outside to eat pizza and run around in the twilight hour because our little house full of 11yo boys was going to be more than I could take. Later we built a fire and roasted marshmallows for s'mores except for the kid who hates all things crunchy, so he just ate the marshmallows raw. They got a flashlight and played "ghost in the graveyard", which was loud and raucous and reminded me of doing the same when I was a kid. I don't even remember the rules anymore, but the rules don't matter as much as the excitement of running around in the dark.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I like Daniel's friends. They are good kids, interesting people, and, most importantly, good friends to each other. They are kind and supportive and respectful and totally goofy. Middle school can be such a shit show. I'm glad that for now, at least, they have each other.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Especially since Daniel is already planning to have them all over for a sleepover for his birthday in February. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-5749394066229419572017-10-19T22:32:00.001-05:002017-10-19T22:32:17.194-05:00<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have felt quite a lot of frustration with my current work situation, which is mostly freelancing and therefore sporadic and doesn't pay well. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also work a part time seasonal job at a local elementary school.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had a part time teaching job for three years at a local institution, but for a variety of reasons, it was unsustainable and I left after I finished up last spring. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I applied for a couple of jobs at the end of the summer. They were positions that more or less align with my interests, and I was more or less qualified for both - more qualified for one, less qualified for the other. I didn't set out to do a job search last summer, but when these positions opened up I thought, why not go for it? Neither worked out. I did get as far as an interview with one place, but never got an offer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know I'm being really vague on the details here, but it wouldn't be professional to reveal much more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyway, I'm not crushed, but I'm disheartened. And frankly, I'm awfully discouraged in general. The only thing I know how to do is play and teach the piano. I used to think I was good at it, but I am not sure how much I believe that anymore, since I've been stuck in the same rut for so long. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes I look at the pile of music I have to learn, and I'm filled with anxiety and dread, knowing how much time I will invest, knowing how very little I will be paid, and not even feeling that I deserve better because by now I must be firmly entrenched in my own mediocrity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's possible I chose the wrong thing, that when I started college 20 years ago, I was hopelessly naive in going with a course of study with no guarantees, especially for someone like me with a bit of talent, a good work ethic, and just enough intellect to get by. I don't know how I got into a graduate program (probably because there was some turnover in the department and they didn't have as many recruits), but I did, and I just kept going for lack of anything else to do and then I had kids and lost myself for a while in parenthood.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now I'm coming back to myself and I don't know what to think. I don't feel like a real grown up. I've never had a real job. I feel ridiculous.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should have done something different. I should have chosen a course of study that doesn't shake my confidence on a regular basis. The arts were made for people better, more committed than I am.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know what to do. There's nothing else I know how to do, nothing else in which I have expertise. If I go back to school and start over, I'll be in my 40s by the time I finish, and who would hire me? What if there's nothing else I like to do?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-18212949763042620452017-09-26T22:40:00.001-05:002017-09-26T22:40:53.521-05:00why I don't teach private lessons<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">One question I get <i>all the time</i> is whether I teach private piano lessons. I still have one kid in elementary school, so there are plenty of parents of young children who, once they find out that I'm a professional musician, ask whether I'm taking students. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The answer, alas, is no. I do have a list of about a half dozen teachers in the area that I give to anyone who is looking for a teacher. These are people I know personally, either from my days in grad school, or from the short time I was a member of the piano teachers' organization, or various other connections in town. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In a way, it's killing me because given the number of inquiries I get, I could probably have a full studio in a few months' time. Also, I love teaching and I'm good at it and I have a bona fide graduate degree in piano pedagogy and a bunch of experience so I'm not just shooting from the hip here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have my reasons, though, and I thought I'd articulate them here.</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Scheduling</b>. Unless I worked exclusively with the home-school/unschool community, prime teaching hours are from 3-8pm on weekdays. Those hours are, of course, when I need to be generally available for my family to do things like run kids to and fro and make dinner. It just doesn't work.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Space.</b> I live in a small house with a little upright piano in the living room. While this is fine for my own practice time and occasional rehearsals with high school kids, it's totally inadequate as a teaching space. To teach at home, I would really need a separate studio with a baby grand piano. And just where would I be getting the money for that? The piles of cash I make as a freelancer? LMAO.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Pay. </b>You might suggest that I look into teaching out of a larger studio in town. Those places take so much overhead for commercial leasing and administrative fees that the pay really isn't worth it, unfortunately. I have a good friend from grad school who owns a local studio. She told me I could work there any time I want, but even though she pays as well as she can, it's still only <i>half</i> the hourly rate of what my colleagues who teach out of their homes can charge. It's just not worth it, especially when it would suck up all of my evening time (see #1).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Competition with sports.</b> Often, kids who excel in music, or whose parents insist that they take music lessons, also play competitive team sports. In a busy season, guess what gets priority? Regular piano practice or soccer games? Hint: it's almost always the latter. The last piano student I had canceled more than half her lessons during soccer season, and the lessons she did have weren't so much piano instruction as teen therapy. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Competition with other instruments.</b> Piano study is on the decline nationwide. I've heard this from several people in several states. Fewer students entering college are choosing to major in piano performance (not just because of dwindling job prospects, as historically these kids would often double major in pre-med or something similarly aimed at high-paying careers), and in general fewer kids are studying piano at the pre-college level. Piano can be an isolating experience, and I suppose talented young people who are also busy with sports and academics, when pressed to choose an instrument, will choose to be social, and join an ensemble such as a youth orchestra or concert band. I can't say I blame them (even though I still think piano is the best.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Competition with academics.</b> For high achieving students, school is much more rigorous these days than when I was in high school. I work with HS kids all the time for spring contests and auditions, and these kids are loaded down with AP and honors classes that are pretty demanding academically. They don't have enough time to get a proper night's sleep, much less practice. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Equity.</b> I'm increasingly less comfortable with the idea of teaching private lessons, knowing that the opportunity to study music privately is only available to those who can pay for it and whose parents are even aware that music study is important. Some teachers in town take students on scholarship, but they tend to be exceptionally talented. What about all the rest who would almost certainly benefit from the opportunity to take lessons, but who aren't all little Mozarts? I know I can't really change this reality, but I'm not sure how fully I can participate in a system that is so dependent on privilege. If I could somehow do teaching and coaching in the schools, where any kid could have the opportunity, I'd be all over it. But the day public schools have enough room in their budget to provide individual instruction to interested music students will be the day hell freezes over and Donald Trump learns the meaning of humility and grace. (Ain't gonna happen).</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So there you have it. The reasons I don't teach private lessons.</span></div>
Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-42282184207027935302017-08-23T22:01:00.001-05:002017-08-23T22:01:33.453-05:00totality<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm kind of in a funk and don't feel like writing tonight, but I'm afraid if I put it off, it will be too late. So here goes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a pretty good track record with witnessing rare celestial events. I had the good fortune to be in Salzburg, Austria in 1999 during the total eclipse there (which I saw from atop a monastery). A few years later, my dad organized a camping excursion to a Boy Scout camp in Kentucky so we could all see the transit of Venus at the crack of dawn (though we were all awakened several hours earlier by a damn whippoorwill - who knew those things were so loud?). And about two years ago we walked to the neighborhood park to see the lunar eclipse and blood moon, letting the kids stay up late, even though it was a school night. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, the solar eclipse of 2017 was not to be missed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We drove to Illinois to see it. Stuart had the forethought to order those special glasses and book a hotel room a few months ago. Our plan was to drive most of the way there Sunday, go somewhere in the path of totality on Monday and hang out all morning, then drive home after the eclipse. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The plan mostly worked, except for the part where post-eclipse traffic was so unbelievable, so intolerable (like if Chicago rush hour traffic mated with post-Bears game traffic) that after it took over four hours to go less than 80 miles, we got as far as Champaign and stayed the night. Evidently people who went as far as Carbondale had it far worse...but I'm getting ahead of myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We stayed the night in Effingham at an establishment I shall not name because it was so crappy. The lady at the desk was incredibly friendly, but our room was disgusting. Everything was damp. The whole building was damp, and there were even soaking wet towels on the floor at the end of the hallway by an air conditioning unit. Stuart had unknowingly booked a smoking room (evidently those still exist in parts of the country), so on top of everything being sort of wet and gross, it was smelly, too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Really, though, all we needed was a place to sleep, so it was fine. The next day we drove to Marion, IL, which is a bit north of Carbondale, well within the path of totality, and looked to be potentially less crowded. We found a large public park with lots of shade trees and a disc golf course, and proceeded to sweat away the entire morning. Did I mention there were heat advisories that day? It was awful. We arrived by 9:00 and two minutes after we got out of the car - a full four hours before the eclipse was supposed to happen, mind you - the kids were complaining that their clothes were sticking to them. We tried playing disc golf to pass the time, but we all gave up by the 8th basket (except for Stuart) and spent the rest of the morning sweating in the shade.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The park never got too crowded, though by noon all the parking spots were full. It was a friendly, calm group of people. Some were local, I'm sure, but we heard of couples and families who had driven from Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan, even California. There was one couple from Slovenia, even. (Do they know Melania? Nah, prolly not.)</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sock knitting, eclipse watching</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The build up to the eclipse happened slowly. It was so hot that we put on the glasses, checked on its progress, then retreated to the shade. This went on for a good 45 minutes. We started to notice that the shade wasn't as distinct, that we could look at the glare of the sun shining on the cars in the parking lot without squinting. Then in the last few minutes before total coverage, it got exciting. Some clouds blocked the sun for a minute. See how it looks like darkness is pouring out one side and light out the other? Yeah. </span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-K51Xl2prIog/WZ48sbea6iI/AAAAAAAAKPg/qCUhnuolbaU_B2mNx10etDLZ3aI-vCLswCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_9542.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-K51Xl2prIog/WZ48sbea6iI/AAAAAAAAKPg/qCUhnuolbaU_B2mNx10etDLZ3aI-vCLswCLcBGAs/s640/IMG_9542.JPG" width="640" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was a guy with an app on his phone that talked to him so he didn't have to look down. He kept everyone updated. Just as he shouted "One minute until totality!" the cloud blew away and we could see the whole thing. For a few seconds, we saw shadow bands on the ground, whirling like the sun was a giant disco ball, and then it got dark. Everyone cheered, the cicadas went bonkers, and the edge of the sky turned an eerie orange. The streetlights in the park flickered on, and we could hear fireworks in the distance. This lasted about 2 and a half minutes before we saw the shadow bands again and it got light. It's amazing the difference between 100% coverage and 99% coverage. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not winning any photography awards for this one, but trust me it was cool.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">We left soon after, sighing in relief when the air conditioner kicked on in the car, and hoping we would beat the big rush of people driving from Carbondale, which was a bit further south than we were. It didn't quite work out that way. Traffic was crawling, then stop and start, then crawling again. Google maps was a tangle of red lines. Daniel started feeling car sick and had to take a Dramamine and sit in the front. I finished knitting my sock and started another. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The hotel in Champaign was much nicer (dry and smoke free!) than the one in Effingham. At breakfast yesterday morning we heard that it took some people ELEVEN HOURS to drive there from Carbondale (this would normally be about a 3-hour drive), so as excruciating as our trip felt, it could have been far worse. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Hours in the car, two nights in hotels, entirely too much take-out pizza, heat advisories, rotten traffic - all for just under 3 minutes of staring at the sky in the middle of the day. Was it worth it? Abso-freaking-lutely. There is just something so delightfully wacky and nerdy about a solar eclipse. It has basically no impact on our lives. It's not bad or good. We can't control it. But it's so rare and ephemeral and beautiful, we had to experience it. Also, for those few minutes, I wasn't thinking about all the things weighing me down and all the anxieties I have about the impending school year. We were just in a park with a bunch of sweaty strangers experiencing this awesome (and I mean that literally) thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">We're already thinking about 2024.</span></div>
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Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-67485242401191314922017-08-15T22:40:00.001-05:002017-08-15T22:40:21.333-05:00advocacy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Charlottesville. The news is dizzying and horrifying. I've not been able to tear myself away from all the reports and commentary and analysis and all the awful awful things 45 is saying, and by now I'm feeling wrung out from it all and impatient with everything and everyone around me. If it weren't for going trail running the last two days, I might have snapped by now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rather than focus on my own feelings, however, I think it's best to channel this emotion and energy into constructive action. I've been contemplating what areas I can best be an advocate for change. I do little things. I bought a Nasty Woman t-shirt from <a href="http://samanthabee.com/">Samantha Bee</a> to support Planned Parenthood. I call my senators' offices on a fairly regular basis these days, and I did so again this week, but I'm not sure how effective that really is. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've come to realize that the public institution I am most familiar with, in which I have an actual, real connection with and potential influence on, and the place where, unfortunately, I see inequality and injustice on a daily basis is the schools. Public schools are one of the few (the only?) places where you can regularly see a cross-section of society. And because I believe the basis for a healthy democracy is a well-educated public, the first place I will advocate for justice and fairness is in the schools. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So last night I went to a school board meeting, and I was inspired to do so by all the calls to action after the terrible events of last weekend. I'm guessing most of you don't feel that your particular call to action is to wade into bureaucracy in response to neo-Nazi violence. If you're scratching your head right now I don't blame you. But it makes sense to me. I always say I'm a fierce defender of public education because it's supposed to be <i>for everyone</i>. Learning is power and all that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do tend to be wary of people in authority. I distrust those with power. Still, f</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or all the critiques I may have about what's going on in public schools, I ought to have a better understanding of how decisions are made that do affect the day-to-day goings-on in classrooms. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was my first time at a school board meeting. I've had good intentions to attend in the past but always had conflicts or felt too tired to spend an evening in a small room listening to a dozen people spew jargon I couldn't understand. But for all the critiques I may have about what's going on in public schools, I ought to have a better understanding of how decisions are made that do affect the day-to-day goings-on in classrooms. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The agenda for last night's meeting was related to a charter school proposal. I won't go into it, though if you are a super nerd <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK4b5mFIFCg">you can watch the meeting here on YouTube</a>. I didn't understand everything they were talking about (</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">see above re: edu-speak),</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> and it wasn't the most riveting 90 minutes I've lived in my life (I left before the second meeting, which lasted another hour, and yes I'm enough of a super nerd I watched the last hour online later that night), but it was illuminating. Running a district of 50 schools and tens of thousands of students is extremely complicated, obviously. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who knows if I'll ever speak up at one of the meetings where they are taking public input. Maybe I'll only ever just go and listen. But it's a start, and maybe it's a place I can make a difference.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peace out.</span></div>
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-35572156642584940372017-08-02T20:19:00.002-05:002017-08-02T20:19:38.304-05:00lately<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been reading:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/hillbilly-elegy/id1046918625?mt=11">Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance</a>. This is an interesting book, and I found myself nodding along with some of what he said, but not all. I grew up in Kentucky, so I knew my fair share of hillbilly types - substance abuse, dysfunctional families, fierce loyalty, love of guns... His assertions of how hard it is to get away from your background ring true, even if his politics clash with mine.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bookbrooke-erin-duffy/1124844435?ean=9780300218176&st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Shopping+Books_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP75606">(not) getting paid to do what you love: gender, social media, and aspirational work by Brooke Erin Duffy</a>. This book mostly follows the paths of young women who turn their fashion blogs into full-time careers. She discusses the feminizing of social media, expectations of women and paid/unpaid work, among other topics. I haven't finished reading it yet, but it's interesting. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Babe-Legend-Didrikson-Zaharias-Society/dp/025206593X">Babe: the Life and Legend of Babe Didrikson Zaharias by Dr. Susan Cayleff</a>. Boy, I have a political/gender/social science theme going here, don't I? Well anyway, in July I had a gig playing for a musical based on the life of Babe Didrikson and I wanted to learn more about her, so I checked out the book. It's a bit dense - good reading for a women's studies course, I think, but still interesting. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been doing:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Garden work both at home and at school. One of those things I get paid for (a very little bit). One of those things provides us with more cucumbers than we can possibly eat as a family. I've become the cucumber fairy, leaving extras on the porches of friends and feeding overgrown ones to neighborhood chickens.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hanging out with the kids. They have both been under the weather this week (fever, malaise, nothing serious) so we've been cooped up together and trying not to go nuts. It's a weird bug that isn't severe but hangs on for several days.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Waiting to hear about a job I applied for a few weeks ago. I'm beginning to think I should give up. It's discouraging.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Making stuff. Sick kids at home means I have to find ways to keep my hands busy. I knit a blanket for a friend who is having a hellish summer health-wise, and I'm making a baby quilt for another friend due this winter. I've also been knitting socks for Anya but I'm having trouble getting the size right. Sigh.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been thinking about:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The state of American democracy (bleak)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My career prospects (bleak)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My career prospects given my age (bleak)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The possibility of war with North Korea (bleak)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The future my children face (bleaker)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The future of the human species (bleakest yet)</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe I need another vacation??</span></div>
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Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-19963891021728061582017-07-27T21:39:00.002-05:002017-07-28T08:41:07.569-05:00outdoor classrooms - ups and downs<br />
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I do a lot of work in the garden at my kids' school, and a few months ago I even landed a paid gig doing it. It's a very low-wage very part time job, but it's better than doing the same work for free, and I enjoy it. Thanks to this position, I had the opportunity to attend four days of workshops (put on by <a href="http://communitygroundworks.org/">Community Groundworks</a>) for garden educators. (I guess this means I'm a "garden educator", which is a rather unglamorous but cool thing to add to my list of professional qualifications.)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flowers at Troy Gardens on the north side of Madison</td></tr>
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The workshop was wonderful. There were a dozen or so participants, most of them public school teachers, but some from other professional backgrounds (like me). We shared our stories and learned a <i>lot</i> of practical knowledge about gardening and outdoor classrooms. There were hands-on demonstrations and lively discussions about things like soil analysis. We ate delicious snacks prepared for us using vegetables growing right in the gardens where the workshops were held. Everyone, it seemed, brought mason jar salads for lunch. It was inspiring and invigorating to spend many hours every day this week with like-minded people who share a passion for something we think is so important. That something is outdoor education, or more specifically, garden-based education.<br />
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There were even a few moments that got emotionally intense. None of us really expected it. But as it turns out, gardening can be an activity that fulfills creative and therapeutic needs, and just talking about how to share that with children pulls a lot of feelings to the surface, even among strangers. It was a good thing.<br />
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There are a million reasons that kids should be learning outside. I think it's self-evident that spending time outside in natural spaces and gardens is good for kids. If necessary, I could dig up studies and papers that tell you kids who spend time in nature have better test scores and fewer behavior problems and that school garden programs encourage healthy eating habits and reduce obesity, that kids who engage in project-based garden/outdoor learning have higher self-esteem and fewer symptoms of ADD/ADHD. Would you click on the links? Would you believe me?<br />
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You'd believe me if you saw it. I'm not an expert in teaching, far <i>far</i> from it, but I enjoy working with groups of kids and I know how rewarding it is to work with them outside. I've seen kids who are a nightmare in the classroom dig up a garden bed with more focus and enthusiasm than anyone else. I've seen kids who never planted a seed before have their minds blown by the idea that this little shriveled thing you put in the dirt will be a giant plant that bears tomatoes by the end of the summer. I've seen kids gobble up the weirdest vegetables like kale and turnip greens just because they grew it themselves.<br />
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In other words, the effort is worth it. At least, this week I thought so, because I got to spend it with creative, energetic people who think the same way about these things.<br />
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But then.<br />
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I got home today and almost immediately turned around to run a workday at our school garden. I spend a few hours a week maintaining the vegetable plots, but weeds have a way of getting away from you, so once a month we have community workdays to get more done. The idea is that families and volunteers can meet each other and take home some of the midsummer harvest and get a lot of the maintenance out of the way in one fell swoop. Unfortunately, turnout has not been particularly good this summer, so I've done a lot of the work myself.<br />
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Last night was no different. Despite multiple reminders via email and Facebook and beautiful weather, the only people who showed up were one other parent and one teacher with her family. Stuart and the kids came later and helped, too.<br />
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On top of that, I had a rather discouraging conversation with said teacher who is concerned about the way things are being run in our district now. There is a lot of top-level micromanaging and teachers feel demoralized, restricted, and, worst of all, like they aren't being trusted to do their jobs. How can we expect the general public to treat teachers with dignity and respect when they're not even getting that treatment from their own district? It makes me so sad and frustrated.<br />
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So those were my highs and lows of the week. Inspiration, frustration.Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-43148763313789071572017-07-02T21:37:00.002-05:002017-07-02T21:37:23.814-05:00a week<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's hard to believe we arrived back home just a week ago. The last several days have been spent adjusting back to our time zone (jet lag is a bitch), finding/establishing/stumbling towards a summer routine, slapping mosquitoes, cooking all the local produce we missed while we were away, and generally trying not to get bored. Re-entry is hard. We're all a little tender. I've also got three gigs over the next two weeks and learning music with the kids around 24/7 is a challenge. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Eh, it could be worse. I just need to find my rhythm.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Enjoy a few more photos of Norway in the meantime. I need to choose a few to have printed out nice and large and hang on the dining room wall.</span><br />
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<b>Hiking up Lomseggen </b></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We found a little stone hut partway up the mountain.</td></tr>
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<b>Hiking up Nonshaug:</b></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's the town of Lom down below.</td></tr>
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Back in Oslo, I was thoroughly charmed by a community garden punctuated with graffiti not far from our airbnb:</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Compost bin.</td></tr>
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There is a very fun climbing park in Ekeberg Park in Oslo. We spent a couple hours there:</div>
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Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-62502220264582680892017-06-16T14:29:00.001-05:002017-06-16T14:29:11.643-05:00Lom<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What we've seen of Norway is incredible. Today we drove from Oslo to Lom so we can spend a few days hiking in the mountains. Just walking around this little town makes the jaw drop with wonder. Also, it's chilly. I'm frantically knitting another hat so everyone will have on when we go to Jotenheimen National Park tomorrow.</span><br />
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-17939851856560569222017-06-14T14:43:00.000-05:002017-06-14T14:43:03.716-05:00travelsSo, we're in Norway. I've been blogging so sporadically I forgot to mention we were going. So far today we've walked about 10 miles and are trying to shed the rest of the jet lag. We're enjoying Oslo for the next day or so. What a city. I could live here, if only I spoke Norwegian and earned a bazillion dollars (or Kroner) a year.<br />
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Here are a few pictures from today:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting silly at the Vigeland sculpture garden.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P1FEUF4fPO4/WUGRYQjuZFI/AAAAAAAAKIE/ayZGEfeHuAo8JioUZhNGv431fsixA9CGwCLcBGAs/s1600/DSC02947.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P1FEUF4fPO4/WUGRYQjuZFI/AAAAAAAAKIE/ayZGEfeHuAo8JioUZhNGv431fsixA9CGwCLcBGAs/s640/DSC02947.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There were lots and lots and lots of sculptures of naked people at the Vigeland sculpture park.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7JevOs_SIbU/WUGQbnG_CYI/AAAAAAAAKHc/Y-k99JTd-9g0fViWYXwJ2Mq2Tg3YbBD7QCLcBGAs/s1600/DSC02955.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7JevOs_SIbU/WUGQbnG_CYI/AAAAAAAAKHc/Y-k99JTd-9g0fViWYXwJ2Mq2Tg3YbBD7QCLcBGAs/s640/DSC02955.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not that you can tell, but this picture was taken at the site of a Medieval fortress.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-skSp76JHc2g/WUGRYfF6P0I/AAAAAAAAKH8/g-KjIMTf4kMrhdKCGJRsgL2gz7e_CmbfACLcBGAs/s1600/DSC02960.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-skSp76JHc2g/WUGRYfF6P0I/AAAAAAAAKH8/g-KjIMTf4kMrhdKCGJRsgL2gz7e_CmbfACLcBGAs/s640/DSC02960.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daniel peers into a canon. That monstrosity in the background is a cruise ship.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tAZsVwTCpPg/WUGQcZ4aquI/AAAAAAAAKHk/CUM-j8ldcKohLrlL-IWE87ghaAk7GbgmwCLcBGAs/s1600/DSC02966.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tAZsVwTCpPg/WUGQcZ4aquI/AAAAAAAAKHk/CUM-j8ldcKohLrlL-IWE87ghaAk7GbgmwCLcBGAs/s640/DSC02966.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">View from the medieval fortress.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ftF-t-RKAk4/WUGQccKuFLI/AAAAAAAAKHg/uUTT5hkBxJ486aBrpgrEGvAmQ0EW8U0DACLcBGAs/s1600/DSC02974.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ftF-t-RKAk4/WUGQccKuFLI/AAAAAAAAKHg/uUTT5hkBxJ486aBrpgrEGvAmQ0EW8U0DACLcBGAs/s640/DSC02974.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Oslo opera house, where you can walk all over the slanted roof.</td></tr>
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-57814007856918994122017-06-01T21:53:00.001-05:002017-06-01T21:53:30.441-05:00"prehistoric"<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We're down to the last week of school before the kids are out for the summer, which means that most of the teachers and all of the students already gave up on anything resembling academic work a while back and it's all about pizza parties and celebrations and trying to stave off the anxiety of starting middle school in a few short months.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Several of Daniel's friends were in a leadership group (he was not, for some reason), and he told me that these kids had an end-of-year celebration that involved not the fun field day they thought they were promised, but instead a pizza party and a viewing of some lame movie. I told him that when I was in fifth grade, we sometimes got to watch <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filmstrip">film strips</a> and that it was a real treat. I distinctly remember watching a film strip of <i>A Wrinkle in Time</i> in 5th grade, and that my friend Christie had to sit out in the hallway because her family was religious and thought the book included witchcraft and was therefore inappropriate. (Madeline L'Engle was a devout Catholic, so I'm not sure what went wrong for them there...)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you want to feel old, try explaining what a film strip is to an 11yo in the year 2017. I told him how my teacher had to set up a projector and change the picture every time the cassette tape beeped. Then I had to explain what a cassette tape was because he's too young to have seen one. Kids his age are too young to have used CDs, even. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyway, Daniel thought my description of a film strip was hysterical. "It's...what's that word, mom? Antique?" <i>No, not antique, not that old</i>, I said. <i>Vintage, maybe. Or old school. </i>"Prehistoric. That's what I meant. Prehistoric." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sigh. </span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-54203341462369312282017-05-07T22:06:00.000-05:002017-05-07T22:19:01.547-05:00healthcareI have had a bit of a rough week. Tuesday morning my legs were sore and by evening I knew I was coming down with something. Wednesday and Thursday I drank lots of tea and took Tylenol and tried to ignore the fact that I wasn't getting better, but by Friday my throat was on fire, my head was throbbing and I told Stuart to get the kids to school so I could go to urgent care. An hour later, I had a bottle full of penicillin, a diagnosis of strep, and an afternoon of work to power through.<br />
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I had to work all weekend, too. It sucked, but thanks to modern medicine I got through it ok. It's the end of the semester, so I just don't have a choice. (I've also got a bit of an itchy rash behind my right knee but I'm telling myself it was there before I started the antibiotics so I'm not worried about it.)<br />
<br />
We have pretty good health insurance thanks to my husband's employer coverage. This is not because either one of us is morally superior or really that much smarter than the average American. We are just lucky that one of us can make a steady living in an industry that provides benefits to its workers. That that person in the family is not me makes me feel a bit guilty, but also lucky. Nothing more. Once I finally decided to go to the doctor Friday morning, I didn't really have to think about it. There was the minor inconvenience of Stuart getting the kids to school instead of leaving early for work, but he was very understanding about that. My point is, we didn't have to consider the cost of going to the doctor, or the prescription I was likely to get because the cost was almost completely covered by insurance. It's not my fault I got strep. It's going around, apparently. Strep happens. But if I hadn't gone to the doctor on Friday, where would I be now? In bed miserable, in the hospital, passing my germs freely to everyone else?<br />
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I am a freelancer in the performing arts, so if I were on my own in the health insurance market, I would be sweating bullets right about now wondering what's going to happen with the latest version of Trumpcare passed by the House of Reps. The bill Paul Ryan pushed through is unusually cruel, granting huge tax cuts to the very wealthy at the expense of people who need assistance the most. Cutting Medicaid expansion by $880 billion while granting states the ability to <i>waive</i> essential requirements from the ACA (aka Obamacare) for things like life time spending caps, holding costs to cover people with pre-existing conditions (including mental illness, addiction treatment, diabetes, cancer, domestic violence, asthma, auto-immune disorder - who among us doesn't have someone near and dear who qualifies with one of these?), and basic healthcare like prenatal care and preventative medicine - - all this seems like completely abandoning common sense.<br />
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Side note: a lot of preexisting conditions are much more likely to pertain to women, like pregnancy (duh) and surviving domestic abuse and sexual assault and having mental illness, so it's exceptionally ironic that this bill was passed by a bunch of white men.<br />
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I won't belabor this point because a LOT has been written about the latest version of the AHCA (read good analysis of it <a href="https://www.vox.com/2017/5/7/15572854/price-medicaid-ahca-gop">here</a> (Vox) and <a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/05/07/hhs_chief_tom_price_insists_cutting_nearly_1_billion_from_medicaid_will.html">here</a> (Slate) and <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/07/us/politics/republicans-health-care-fight.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0">here</a> (NYT) plus various podcasts from the same news sources), so I'll just close by saying this: in a country with as much wealth as we have, it is literally sick and immoral to treat quality, affordable healthcare as though it is a luxury that only a few deserve, rather than a right we all should have.<br />
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Shame on you, Paul Ryan. Your soul is horrid and rotten. I don't know how you sleep at night.Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-22483867748211245342017-05-03T20:06:00.003-05:002017-05-03T20:06:52.155-05:00on raising young feministsFeminism is so popular these days. Some fear it has become diluted and used as a marketing tactic to the point of losing its meaning (#femvertising, anyone?).<br />
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The other day I had a conversation with a friend of mine about the recent Girl Power movement. "Girl Power, girls on the run!" she exclaimed, "...we're going to end up raising a generation of little bitches." She went on to describe her experience working with some school kids, in which a couple of girls were bossing some boys around and they meekly obeyed. This was, apparently, evidence that the next generation of men is doomed to be compliant to the dominating bitches who have had a little too much girl power for their own good.<br />
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Obviously, I take issue with this view. For one thing, my own daughter is in <a href="http://girlsontherun.org/">Girls On the Run</a> and is having an excellent experience. It has not turned her into a bossy, dominating know-it-all. Instead, she's having a fantastic time running with her friends and we'll all be doing a 5K together next month. For another, one should never take a single experience and use it to generalize all of society. (I believe this is called anecdotal evidence.) Sometimes girls are bossy and dominating. Sometimes they are not. I don't think we can blame modern feminism for immaturity in a third grade class.<br />
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Also, this friend of mine has several grown children, some of them married (and even divorced) already, and I find that more often than not, the people who bemoan the kids of today are already done raising their own and thus consider themselves exempt from blame for whatever is going wrong with the current generation. It's exasperating, especially for someone like me who is <i>at this very moment </i>raising kids and trying to do it right. I remember being a teenager and hearing how my generation was doomed. It was insulting.<br />
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She did have a point about one thing, though. We shouldn't celebrate "girl power" for its own sake. We need to think about what that means. I once saw a youtube video of a 10yo girl singing <i>Roar </i>by Katy Perry, and the storyline of her video was of herself literally beating up a whole bunch of boys in a karate competition. She sang well, but it missed the point. Punching the lights out of the men in your life might seem satisfying in a music video, but it isn't the same as advocating for equal pay and rights and learning to advocate for yourself. We can't pull ourselves up by demeaning men and boys. We need them on board with us.<br />
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I've got a son and a daughter and I'm raising them both to be feminists. It's important for them both to understand why these issues are important for all of us.<br />
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-59109925482901209172017-04-19T22:10:00.002-05:002017-04-19T22:10:13.039-05:00spring brain dump<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't ever blog on good days, huh? I have them, I promise. I have lots of good days. Today wasn't bad, even. But I've been a little overwhelmed lately with life and work and parenting and the million little things that contribute to my overall stress level. Death by a thousand cuts, I think they call it. Actually, for me </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's more like filling my pockets with thousands of pebbles until my clothes are sagging and it's hard to walk.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All the college students I work with are totally freaking out like they always do 3 weeks before the semester ends. Anya started soccer this week. I'm playing for exactly 1.1 gazillion people and scheduling is a nightmare.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I've got a tween in the house. We've got less than two months before Daniel is <i>tout finit </i>with elementary school. And boy oh boy does it show. I'm only about 3" taller than he is. He's wearing contact lenses now. He rolls his eyes or pretends he doesn't hear when I tell him to remove his dirty socks from the middle of the living room floor. He wants a YouTube account (the answer is a decided NO.) There's a lot of random frustration that I think has very little to do with things actually going wrong for him and a lot to do with the fact that he's getting older and the emotional landscape of his life and brain is suddenly a lot more complex. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You know what doesn't help? Daily reminders from all the parents of teenagers and grown children who tell me how the next few years are going to be total hell. It's going to suck, they say. Middle school is awful. Good luck with that, they mutter as they walk away shaking their heads. <i>Thanks but no thanks.</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's a little bit like when I was pregnant/new mother and everyone told me I'd never sleep again, never see a movie again. Just wait, they'd say, just wait until you have another baby. <i>Then</i> you'll know how hard parenting is. Or, just wait until the terrible 2s! That's just not what you need to hear when you're actually in the trenches, elbow deep in messy diapers and bodily fluids and about to go out of your mind with the tedium of building block towers day after day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The thing is, as hard as those early years were, and as glad as I am that they are behind me, I could handle it. Taking care of babies and toddlers and preschoolers is physically demanding and truly exhausting, but it wasn't as emotionally draining as this. Yes, I had/have complex emotions about motherhood (I did my fair share of complaining, here and IRL), but that had more to do with me and how I was adjusting to my place in the world. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now that the young people in my house are closer to adulthood than infancy, especially Daniel, I just don't feel equipped to handle it. Middle school was rotten for me. I was a year younger than everyone in my class, there was some upheaval in my family, and I was completely socially inept. (I was about to say that also my hair was stupid, but in the early 90s, EVERYONE'S hair was stupid, am I right?) Daniel's got more social skills than I did, he has a good group of peers, and I truly believe the school system here, with all its flaws (and believe me, there are serious flaws) is better than the one I went through. I believe he's resilient, though so far he hasn't had to cope with much hardship (other than not being allowed to have his own YouTube account.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't prevent my kids from growing up. I can't shield them from pain. I can't solve their problems for them. When I worry, I tend to hover, and I'm trying, truly, to stop doing that. It's better if they learn to cope with disappointment and frustration and the realization that the world does not revolve around them and their petty problems. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it's hard. I guess I have to figure this out with them.</span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-9184891866297388182017-03-10T22:31:00.002-06:002017-03-10T22:31:53.196-06:00validation, sexism<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of my favorite people on Instagram is a psychologist from L.A. named <a href="https://www.instagram.com/_dredwards/">Dr. Shadeiyah Edwards</a> who posts a lot about, well, various things, including parenting and female independence. Lately she's been posting a lot of quotes about validation. Here's a sample:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"It takes a strong person to do their own thing and not wait for anybody else to validate their existence." -Steven Aitchison</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Seeking validation will keep you trapped. You don't need anyone or anything to approve of your worth. When you understand this, you will be free."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"If you persistently seek validation from others, you will inadvertently invalidate your own self worth" -Dodinsky</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"The only permission, the only validation, and the only opinion that matters in our quest for greatness is our own." -Dr. Steve Maraboli</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, I'm not really one for inspirational quotes. Often they sound hollow and superficial. These, however, ring true for me. It feels like my whole adult life I have experienced some kind of crisis of confidence on a weekly basis. You'd think I would have grown out of it by now, but some days I still have very little faith in my own abilities. I know that sounds crazy, like I have terrible self-esteem, but I think it comes with being a woman in my line of work. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lemme 'splain it to you. Music performance is a field of fierce competition and constant scrutiny. Performance happens in real time, which can be both exhilarating and terrible. You're not allowed to make too many mistakes because they can't be undone. And if the stakes are high (an important audition, a high-profile performance), the pressure is intense.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I work as a collaborative pianist. I teach and do some editing, too, but the bulk of my work is freelance accompanying. I play for high school students in various contests and auditions, where the stakes are high for them but not necessarily for me. I play for college and graduate students for juries and recitals, where the music is much more difficult, but at the same time much more rewarding. I rarely play gigs that are purely professional, but it does happen from time to time. I have found a path where I work in education on many levels, from pre-college to post-graduate, and I love it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But boy oh boy, does this have the potential to mess with your head. For one thing, I spend a lot of time in one-on-one lessons, where the student is critiqued on every move he or she makes. Literally every breath you take is being observed and evaluated because if you're a singer or a brass or woodwind player, there is <i>definitely</i> a right and wrong way to breathe. If they do it wrong, they are more likely to fail. If <i>I</i> do something wrong (play the chord wrong, or come in late, fail to breathe with them), they are more likely to fail. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When things go right, it's amazing, truly. It's partly why I've stuck with this for so long. For me, nothing feels better than a performance that goes well. But when things go wrong, it can be devastating. And often, for better or worse, this all usually happens in front of an audience. Even public speaking is a thousand times easier than a perfect music performance. (Perfection is rare, and ephemeral.) So now maybe you can understand the drive for perfectionism that comes with this work, and how it can scramble your brain.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let me add some more layers onto this. I'm a woman. I'm a mother. I have family responsibilities that prevent me from being available at all hours of the day and every weekend. Most (but not all) of the freelance accompanists I know have no one to be responsible for but themselves. A few are partnered/married, but almost none of them have kids. It means I have to work twice as hard to maintain my reputation for being reliable and for being worth what I charge. And I do work, I work fucking hard. I might have to cancel or reschedule if someone is home with a fever, and I might not be able to play for studio class on a moment's notice when I have to get the boy to his cello lesson. I do make that clear from the outset, but it still feels like a liability compared to the young hotshots who are willing to work 24/7.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know men in this town who do the same thing I do - freelance collaboration. They have less education than I do and charge more. They show up to perform in jeans and sneakers. They do not have kids. (I have never once taken a sick day for anyone other than my kids.) They play for high-profile stuff and I get referrals for people who try to bargain with me because "the nice young woman who played last year was a lot cheaper".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They probably have more talent than I do, so they deserve the fawning they get. Can you blame me for always looking for validation? Can you see why I often feel like I'm mediocre? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet. I persist.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe it's foolish.</span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-85401077908152744372017-03-07T21:46:00.001-06:002017-03-07T21:46:16.473-06:00a day without women<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tomorrow is International Women's Day, and as you may know, women across the country are planning to take the day off work, paid and/or unpaid. Dozens of school districts have canceled school because so many teachers, who are mostly women, will not be at work. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I applaud the women who are able to take this particular action, but I will not be participating in the women's strike. If I take an entire day off, I'll lose money and make people angry, and I'll have trouble getting hired again. I get that this day of action is <i>supposed</i> to be disruptive, but for my particular work situation, it would totally backfire. Also, I work almost exclusively <i>with</i> women (not because there aren't male musicians; it's just how things have worked out this year) and making their lives harder, even just for a day, would kind of defeat the purpose of this whole thing for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I will wear red, however, and maybe even scare up a red ribbon to pin to my jacket so it's a little more obvious I'm wearing red for a reason (I like red, in fact, and should wear it more often!) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm also told that participants in this day of action are not supposed to buy anything. Right, I wasn't planning a mid-week shopping trip anyway and I always pack a lunch, so no problem there. If you <i>must</i> buy something, buy it from a woman-owned business...presumably a women who isn't taking the day off and closing her shop or restaurant.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mostly, I see the Women's Strike as sadly ironic, because the women who are most overlooked and least empowered to do something like take the day off, are least likely to be able to. </span><br />
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-39685506755869124722017-02-27T22:00:00.001-06:002017-02-27T22:00:09.996-06:00new directionsI just applied for a job. It's part time, seasonal, and would just get thrown into the mix of all the other part time gigs I piece together for work these days. What's different about this job is that it's completely unrelated to music. I have spent the last few evenings reworking my résumé and writing a cover letter. In it, I attempt to explain how all the skills I've accrued studying, teaching and writing about music my entire adult life are relevant to this other kind of work. The job doesn't pay particularly well and isn't very many hours per week, but it's in a field I'm really passionate about, and I know I'd be good at it.<br />
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So wish me luck, would you?Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-1587786325346495452017-02-12T19:51:00.002-06:002017-02-12T20:41:09.917-06:00valentinesYou guys, I am so over Valentines. I'm not talking about having a romantic date with my spouse, because that was never a thing for me and Stuart, whose favorite alternative name for the holiday is "Jerk Appreciation Day."<br />
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No, I'm talking about the kid part, where you have to buy or make Valentines for everyone in your kid's class. It was cute in preschool, and sweet in kindergarten. After that we got over it pretty quick. Handmade Valentines are just a total pain in the ass. Am I right?<br />
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I remember when I was a kid, it was all about the candy. We just ripped into every card or tiny box, tearing right by the generic notes and terrible Valentine puns and went right for the candy. Whoever gave you the Valentine stuffed with the most message hearts was your best friend for the day. Bonus points for chocolates, but those were <i>very</i> rare. We, on the other hand, were always the stingy ones who didn't even give candy, but handed out Disney knock-off Valentines from the grocery store, names hastily scrawled on each envelope. One year we may have put stickers on them, but I can't be sure.<br />
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Anymore, classroom Valentines parties irk me more deeply than this surface-level annoyance. Some families at my kids' school don't have stable homes to go to or enough food to eat, much less the time and resources to come up with Valentines for everyone in the class, so if they want to hand out cards they have to go to the office and get a package of whatever was donated by the social workers or is leftover from the year before. Aside from that, there's all the plastic junk and sugary food that inevitably is incorporated into these classroom parties...but you can't really complain about it or you end up being THAT HIPPIE MOM who ruins all the fun and hands out organic carrot sticks for prizes. No thank you. I'll just bitch about it on my blog instead.<br />
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Part of the reason I can't get enthusiastic about Valentine's Day is that by this point in February, we have serious celebration fatigue. November through early March is one long marathon of holidays and birthdays for all four of us in my house plus a few in the extended family. By Valentine's Day, I've had it with presents and treats and baking cakes and I need to save what little energy I have left for Stuart's birthday in March so he doesn't feel cheated.<br />
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Anya is in 3rd grade and we totally recycled last year's lame idea for Valentines for her class. We found a bunch of corny jokes and printed them on red paper, which she cut apart to distribute to her classmates. If she's feeling frisky she'll draw hearts on them, but that's optional. Today, as she was getting everything ready in the Word document, she noticed a distinct gender bias. "Why is it always the boy asking the girl the question?" she wondered. I told her she was welcome to change the wording. Instead of <i>What did the boy bat/bee/ghost say to the girl bat/bee/ghost on Valentine's Day?</i> it could read instead, <i>What did one bat/bee/ghost say to the other bat/bee/ghost? </i>In the end, she decided it wasn't worth the trouble, so all of her Valentine's cards are sexist and assume <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteronormativity">heteronormality</a>. Yes, it's annoying, but it's just a bunch of Valentine's cards, and in the end we don't really care enough to fix it.<br />
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I don't even know if 5th graders pass out cards but if Daniel wants to do that, he's got about 24 hours to get that together.<br />
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So what do you think? Am I a Valentine's Day Grinch? A lazy mom? Or am I just smarter and saner than everyone on Pinterest?Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-48593563294649432862017-01-21T23:01:00.001-06:002017-01-21T23:01:07.152-06:00Snapshot: Women's march in Madison<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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We stood 100,000 strong in the streets of downtown Madison this afternoon. </div>
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We are stronger together, so don't give up.</div>
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-31259748660821582152017-01-20T15:50:00.001-06:002017-01-20T15:50:15.307-06:00today<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just now on my way home from a meeting, I passed a young woman on the side of the road with two dogs. One was lying on the ground convulsing, the other standing protectively to the side. She was sobbing. I stopped the car and asked if I could help her. "No it's ok," she said. "My dad's coming." So I left and by the time I drove past the dog had stopped moving altogether. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know what had happened, except that the dog didn't appear to have been struck by a vehicle. Maybe the dog was old and already in ill health, or maybe he had a sudden seizure. In any case, it's a terrible thing to see someone cry while her animal suffers in a cold puddle in the street. As if I weren't sad enough about today, this filled me with sadness</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> And w</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">hat an awful thing for her to experience. Maybe I should have stayed and tried to comfort her while we waited. Maybe that would have made her feel worse. I don't know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it's already a gray, gloomy drizzly day, literally and metaphorically. I couldn't stomach listening to the entire inaugural speech of the newly installed POTUS, but I have heard clips on the news. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He stands for authority more than rights. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have reason to be angry, we have reason to be terrified, and we have reason to protest. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We'll be downtown in our home city tomorrow, the four of us, in </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the gloom and drizzle, marching for the rights and safety and democracy of all. Wearing pink hats and yelling in the street won't change anything, but it's still important as a gesture. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We won't take this sitting down. No, sir.</span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-66412894501484900792017-01-12T09:06:00.001-06:002017-01-12T09:07:06.073-06:00ACA<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What is happening to </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">the</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> ACA is horrifying. If the GOP wants to take health care away from people, they should be forced to go without it, too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I called my senators this morning. I kept my message polite and to the point. If you care about preserving the Affordable Care Act, in particular the provisions for covering people with pre-existing conditions, I encourage you to do the same. In Wisconsin, our senators are Democrat Tammy Baldwin, who is fairly progressive, and Republican Ron Johnson, who is as conservative as they come.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Baldwin's Washington number is: (202) 224 - 5653</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Johnson's Washington number is: (202) 224 - 5323</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Keep it polite, and keep it true. In my message, said I was deeply concerned that without coverage people will actually die. I said I hope my senator has enough respect for life and dignity that he/she will do the right thing and preserve health coverage rather than take it away.</span></div>
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Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-16267651556001840462017-01-03T23:05:00.003-06:002017-01-03T23:05:30.965-06:00snapshot: from back in november <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We took an 11-day road trip over the holidays (I was stressed about it, but it turned out really fun) so I'm still adjusting to being back and trying to catch up. I've missed the obligatory end-of-year/new-year post, so I'll just sum it up like this: 2016 obviously sucked big time in the news but wasn't a bad year for our little family. The best part was welcoming this little nugget. Enjoy a photo of her and her cousin Daniel from Thanksgiving:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy new year, my friends in Madtown and elsewhere. Stay strong.</span>Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-44505484995417645172016-12-14T22:49:00.001-06:002016-12-14T22:52:07.731-06:00brrrrrthday<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Winter came in kicking and screaming a full week before the solstice. We've had two snowstorms in as many weeks and another one coming. And it's cold. It's REALLY cold. Like, wind-chill-advisory-is-coming cold. (This means it will feel like -15 to -25F tonight and all day tomorrow. Will the district cancel school, even though kids could get frostbite waiting for the bus? NOPE. <a href="http://host.madison.com/wsj/weather/ten-inches-of-snow-on-tap-friday-dangerous-wind-chills/article_e59c43c6-3b9a-5712-8b56-5804ef9a2766.html">They said they changed their policy, but apparently it's a lie.</a>) Today, when it was 12 degrees but felt like 0, I waffled between biking and not biking to campus, then opted to bike after all because tomorrow it really <i>will </i>be too cold (see above re: <a href="http://forecast.weather.gov/showsigwx.php?warnzone=WIZ063&warncounty=WIC025&firewxzone=WIZ063&local_place1=Shorewood%20Hills%20WI&product1=Wind+Chill+Advisory&lat=43.0716&lon=-89.46#.WFIXrneZPVo">wind chill advisory</a>) and we're maybe getting 10" of snow on Friday, so today was my last chance to get outside and move. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">Phone screen shot of the weather forecast.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Getting to campus was okay. It was still daylight and the wind was at my back. Oddly, though the bike paths were more or less clear, the bike lanes in the regular street were thick with ice and snow pack so I had to be careful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Getting home, though? Getting home was brutal. It was dark and the snow was blowing across the road, and the wind was blowing <i>me</i> around. My fingers were in agony despite being encased in thick gloves under bulky alpaca mittens. I could feel the droplets from my breath freezing on my double-looped alpaca cowl (note to readers who are not knitters: wool is warm, but alpaca is actually quite a bit warmer! something about how the fibers trap more air because alpacas are indigenous to the mountains of South America where it benefits them to have extra-warm fleece). I thought I was bundled up and sealed tight, but I could feel the wind cutting through the zipper teeth of my coat and snaking through my cowl and down the back of my neck. It was easily the most miserable bike ride I have had in 16 years of living and biking in this town. It's a toss-up, actually, between today and two years ago when I wiped out on black ice on my first day of teaching in the spring (ha) semester and had to limp/ride the rest of the way with a bent wheel and bloody knee. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When Stuart complained that it was cold outside because he had to go all the way from his car to the house, I gave him the stink eye.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The big news at our house today is that Anya turned 9. 9!! She's amazing: a kind, thoughtful, caring, smart-as-blazes, sweet, delight of a human being, the kind of person who brightens your mood with her mere presence. This is all true AND I'm biased of course.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The birthday festivities were just right. Last Friday (between snowstorms) she invited a couple friends to go see Moana (it's really good, go see it) and then we came home for homemade pizza and cupcakes. It was a small party, very low-key, and very much our style. Today, for Anya's actual birthday Daniel made scrambled eggs for breakfast and promised her a whole day of not annoying her (not today, apparently, but some day in the future). She got to pass out chocolates at school. We braved the bitter cold and went out to dinner at a brand new restaurant called <a href="http://morrisramen.com/">Morris Ramen</a> and everything was quite delicious and the service was excellent and gracious (full disclosure: I know the owners and their family so again I'm biased, but it really was good). Birthday girl got to ride shotgun in the car, and got dessert comped. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Once I thawed out, it was a good day.</span><br />
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<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25191821.post-79047710496374596322016-12-05T20:19:00.000-06:002016-12-05T20:19:43.496-06:00first snowWe had our first snow of the year in Madison yesterday. We awoke to about 1" on the ground, and by the end of the day around 4" had accumulated, which is more than I expected. Since no one had any work obligations or outside commitments, we treated the day rather like a Snow Day, and it was wonderful. I can't remember the last time I was able to forget about work-related responsibilities for almost a whole day (I say "almost" because I did sit down to do some editing work late in the afternoon). It was the perfect kind of snowfall: beautiful and gentle like in a snow globe, enough for a snowball fight and impromptu game of snow baseball in the front yard in the morning, and then in the afternoon we headed to our favorite park to break in the sledding hill. In between we indulged in card games, popcorn and cocoa. We shoveled snow off the porch and patio and part of the driveway. The kids watched old episodes of Star Trek. Stuart made dinner, so after all that family fun I even got about an hour to putz around by myself without feeling guilty about it.<br />
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I'd say we were indulging in a snow day, but we really needed it, so I'm not going to call it an indulgence because that implies we were doing something we shouldn't have. We had fun. We were happy. By the end of the day we were worn out.<br />
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Today was a regular old Monday. No one really wanted to get up and go to school. It was wet and cold and dreary (though the snow is still pretty). But I do think our snow day yesterday made it just a little easier to get through.<br />
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xoxo,<br />
S<br />
<br />Suzehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05090954944438450837noreply@blogger.com0