on being prepared

The next couple of weeks are going to be absolutely nuts for me. This week my friend Dr. Julia is coming to town so we can wrap up rehearsals for a recital we're performing twice the first week in November. She flies in Tuesday night and our first performance is next Monday, so we'll have five days to get it all together before the tour starts. Well, "tour." Next Monday night we perform at UW-Oshkosh (about a 2-hr drive from here), then we get a day off before flying out to Kansas Wednesday night, where we'll be at my alma mater for a couple of days teaching a masterclass on Thursday and performing again Friday night.

That probably doesn't sound like so much, but keep in mind that on top of all that I have to get the kids to and from school and piano lessons and gymnastics and all that, Wednesday is Halloween (which means trick-or-treating and going to the neighborhood bonfire and all that fun stuff), and my parents are coming this weekend so they can help out next week while I'm gone so I've got to plan meals and print out a schedule for them so they know when and where everyone needs to be someplace and tell the kids' teachers who will be picking them up from school and make sure everyone has every phone number they could possibly need...

...and did I mention that I've never traveled away from my kids before? Ever? I'm kind of freaking out about it even though everyone keeps telling me it will be fine. Great, in fact. One of my friends, whose daughter is in Daniel's class, is a professor who has traveled a fair bit to conferences and things, and she tells me I'm going to love it - nights of uninterrupted sleep, no one's teeth to brush but my own, that sort of stuff. But I can't stop the voices in my head who are thinking up every possible thing that could go wrong and how this whole plan could be a disaster if I'm not here to hold things together because it's like a house of cards where anything could fall apart at the slightest whuff of air. (My computer tells me "whuff" isn't a word. I don't care.)

What if someone gets sick? What if we all get sick? What if Anya cries all night because she misses me? What if our flight gets all screwed up and we never make it to Kansas? My clothes suck. I should have gotten a haircut. What if my recital dress doesn't fit anymore? (Note to self: try that thing on. Never mind that I should have done that a month ago when I would have had time to come up with a back-up plan.) What if my dad gets lost taking Daniel to his piano lesson? (OK, actually, I know that won't happen. My dad never gets lost.) See? Freaking out here.

The stress is taking a bit of a toll. I felt anxious all of last week for no particular reason. I couldn't sleep, didn't want to eat. It was ridiculous. I think I'm doing a little better now, actually. Now that the two weeks of insanity is nearly upon me, I guess I just have to live it all instead of feeling so apprehensive and anxious about it.

The really crazy thing about all this is that I'm not worried about the performances at all. We had a good start on rehearsals three weeks ago, we've performed together a lot, and I'm almost done writing the program notes (which are getting a little long and should probably be pared down a bit). Musically, I feel very well-prepared.

At least I voted already! I cast my ballot on Tuesday at City Hall. At least I can't screw that up now.


Jessi said…
I do hope there will be video. Have fun and try not to let the stress overwhelm you. I promise, it'll be weird and fun and wonderful to get away.

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