10 Things I Hate, or #51-60 of the eternal "100 Things About Me" series

No one tagged me for this, but I decided to do it anyway. Maybe I should do it as a continuation of the "100 Things About Me" series. I'm intentionally avoiding the D.C. Republicans and their idiot policies that currently fill me with rage because that list is already plenty long.

51. The noise pollution created by lawn-care implements in my neighborhood. I'm talking about the nagging roar of lawn-mowers, weed-whackers, hedge-trimmers, leaf-blowers and, because I live in Wisconsin, snow-blowers, that can ruin a perfectly quiet evening. There's one of those damn gas-guzzling, noise-makers for every season. One can't escape it. Come on, people. Get a mechanical mower/pair of shears/rake/snow shovel/life and chill out about your yard already.

52. Dr. Sears. Yes, I know he wrote some good books about pregnancy and baby care. But he's also made probably a million dollars doling out guilt (oh, was I supposed to say advice?) to women about motherhood. Excuse me, Dr. Sears? My kid sleeps in a crib and not in our bed, and I give him a pacifier, and sometimes I let him cry and my husband babysits now and then and I plan to get a job someday and my kid is doing JUST FINE. And even though I breastfeed him I'm not convinced he would be STUPID if I gave him formula. You know why, Dr. Sears? Because I don't listen to you.

53. Tomato thieves. At first I thought the culprit might have been someone passing by walking his/her dog and thought he/she might have a nibble at the only edible plants in my front yard that haven't wilted and died. But then I saw a half-ripe, half-eaten tomato with little rodent-sized teeth marks sitting in the tomato patch. You naughty, naughty squirrel.

54. The evil, bullying, sexist, sucking-the-life-and-small-business-out-of-every-community-it-inhabits, haven of cheap crap known as Wal-Mart. And now they want their own bank. Does it ever stop?

55. Ann Coulter. It doesn't bug me that she pushes some kind of warped conservative agenda by trash-talking everyone who doesn't fit her own brand of a God-fearing patriot. It doesn't even bug me that she also makes stuff up. It bugs me that she is rewarded for this behavior by getting big TV interviews. And also that probably half the reason her crappy books sell so well is that she puts pictures of herself on the front with low-cut blouses and short skirts.

56. Eggplant. It's just repulsive in every way.

57. Pumping breastmilk. It's necessary (because unlike Dr. Sears, I feel it's important for my kid to drink from a bottle from time to time so that I get some time to do things like, oh, have a life), but I feel like a dairy cow when I do it.

58. The fact that about half the time I make chocolate chip cookies, I screw them up. They are either under-baked or over-baked. I've made choco-chip cookies dozens of times, so you would think I would have a better success rate. I'm a woman who successfully baked a meringue on the first try, for Pete's sake.

59. Cockroaches. Those little bastards were everywhere, and I mean everywhere in our first apartment in Madison -- the microwave, the peanut butter jar, boxes of tea. Once they bred in the lid of the coffee grinder. My respect for the sanctity of life stops short of the cockroach.

60. Really stupid knitted items like this and this.

So that is the whole, entire, complete list of Things I Hate. Right. Steph? Joe? Pam? Mamacita? Jenn? Ann? It's your turn!


Jenn Hacker said…
Re: #60. What the...? Okay, the wings I could see as part of a child's costume or something (maybe). But a knitted UTERUS? Someone has waaay too much time on his/her hands!
Suze said…
No kidding. i thought it was funny how she actually apologizes for not making it totally anatomically correct.
Jenn Hacker said…
One word sums this up: Ick!

I'll post about mine loves/hates eventually. I'm still basking in the glow of my Utopia post (ah, what a dream to have!)

mamacita said…
I can see just how much Dr. Sears gets on your nerves... just curious if you follow any baby raising philosophy or if you have any baby/parenting books that you really dig?


P.S. The knitted uterus is definitely odd. The way she describes it as cute and cuddly is what makes me want to puke. But I have to say that despite the awful cheesiness of it, women ought to be able to knit pink uteruses if men can sculpt gold penises. (I actually knew a guy at Bethel who was sheepishly proud of a golden penis he had created.)
Suze said…
was that kerry by any chance, mamacita? i know he had a big old white plaster penis that figured prominently on a coffee table at one point. i agree with you that there is just way too much phallic art (and architecture--ahem! cough cough the Washington monument, cough cough) out there.

i don't really have a baby raising philosophy, other than "try to keep him alive and healthy." i don't believe in trying to force a baby onto a schedule, as i pretty much follow his lead in terms of nursing, napping, etc. so far i've basically been going by instinct. if i'm doing something wrong, you can bet daniel lets me know!

i know that dr. sears has good things to say. but whenever i read his stuff, i get this nagging feeling that i'm doing something wrong. i also know people who follow his child-rearing philosophy so religously that their kids completely rule the household and drive everyone else nuts. perhaps that's not what dr. sears intended, but that's the result of "too much" attachment parenting. i realize i'm being totally biased here, and were i more mature, i would refrain from sarcastic sears-bashing comments. but i'm not (hee hee), so i go ahead and bash.

that said, i respect parenting philosophies that are different from mine. i get annoyed with dogmatic approaches to anything, and people can get really touchy about parenting, so i try to just keep an open mind. while dr. sears sometimes annoys the crap out of me, there are also plenty of people who take his advice and tailor it to their own needs and do just fine.
Roy said…
Luckily I won’t have to have a parenting philosophy because my little unborn Sophie will listen to everyone word I say from the moment of her birth and be in such awe of my wisdom that she will accept every piece of advice I give her (i.e. that she should not date until at least 18 and then only with a chaperon. Once I die she can begin dating sans chaperon).
Suze said…
dream on, roy. dream on.
Roy said…
There is nothing wrong with a little preconditioning of my mind to accept the Lovecraftian breakdown that will ensue from my attempting to "raise" a teenage daughter.
mamacita said…
I guess my memory is fading... I sure remember Kerry's penis sculpture as golden rather than plaster white. Maybe it just seemed so garish to me that I remembered it as golden...who knows.

Thanks for writing on your baby rearing thoughts. I was just curious. The Baby Book was given to me by a good friend at the time of my son's birth, and it has been really useful. I do read my copy of What to Expect in the First Year when I need a more inclusive parenting perspective on something. But mostly I go by what feels right, like you.

NewGottland said…
Hi, J. E. here picking the least appropriate time to post on this blog for the first time.

Okay, the wings totally suck. I’m with you on that.

However, I am moved to rise to the defense of the uterus. It is totally- well… awesome. There it is slouched provocatively on the keyboard or undulating playfully in a tree saying, “You want warm and cuddly? I got your warm and cuddly right here!”

P.S. Love eggplant, hate tomato thieves.

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