brutal honesty

I am here right now to tell you that there are times that parenting truly sucks. I'm not talking about the times when your kid is having a hard time or is sick and really needs you. I'm talking about the times when your kid/s treat you like crap no matter how hard you've tried and make sure you feel like less than dirt for some trivial reason. Tonight, it was the grilled cheese. I won't go into details, but in Daniel's world I messed up, and I just had had one too many times of being screamed at for no good reason and I kind of snapped. I walked out of the house - barefoot - and around the block to cool off, and I'm still having a hard time answering anyone without descending into a rampage about how at least illegal immigrants are paid a pittance for the work I do, whereas I am paid zero. I know that's not fair. I know I'm being unreasonable. I know my kids don't know better and I should just dig deeper into my reserves of patience (which are currently empty, obviously) and be a better person and better mother and give them the attention they so wholly deserve. But right now I just can't.

Go ahead. Judge me. But if you dare tell me how much worse it's going to be in ten years when they're teenagers, I guarantee you'll be sorry.


Rosemary said…
Here's a big <>. I'll give you one in person in a little over a week. In case you haven't heard--I'll be visiting your neighborhood next weekend and R is already plotting grownup evening activities.
Rosemary said…
Oops. Stupid me for putting things in angle brackets. That was supposed to be a big ((hug)).
Suze said…
Thanks, Rosemary. I did hear about that and I'm really stoked!!
Oh, honey, I'm right there with you and I'm sending you big huge snuggly hugs! I will not judge you, you had a perfect right to walk out of the house when you were being treated like dog poo on the bottom of your kiddo's shoe. I hope Stu sat down with Daniel and pointed out all the things you do for everyone and made him 1) feel bad about screaming at you, and 2) made him apologize to you. Sending you love, hugs, and positive thoughts!
ML said…
I'm not a mom yet, but I am quite certain that you should not be judged for running out of patience!! Your brutal honesty on here is really refreshing for me. I remember when I was about 12 or 13 and a friend of my mom's/our family came to talk to my mom. This woman was like a second mom/big sister to to me and someone who I thought was an amazing mother to her daughters (who were 5-10 years younger than me). Anyway, I remember that she and my mom had this really long talk and then later that day we left the house for something and my mom said to leave the house unlocked for Donna (the friend). I asked why, she explained that she was having a hard time with her daughters and needed some time to herself. I was amazed! It was my first realization how draining children can be even for mothers who make it look easy. I think your children are blessed to have a mother who cares that she has lost her patience, that is why you are a good mother.

Hope you find some time to recharge for yourself and that the kids find ways to show you how much they appreciate all you do for them.
~Monica (Maria's sister)
Animal said…
Roz is currently exhibiting similar behavior, thankfully infrequent thought it may be. I keep reading things like "learning independence" and "controlling the world around them," and all I can think is "pushing my f***ing buttons!" And almost always when I'm already at my limit…although whether SHE knows that or not is certainly debatable.

Never any judgements, at least not from any parents out here! Just empathy, understanding, and a great big dose of "right there with ya!" Hey…the walk around the block is better than knocking the block off, right? I mean, I know you'd never…but, that's testament to the GOOD parent you are. Too many folks would take the easy way, and just smack the kid.

Be well. :-)
i would not feel need to realize that untill they can do these things all by them selfs they will just have to say there pleases and thank yous and wait patiently till they get big boys and
Steph said…
You are an excellent mother. And Daniel is old enough to learn that there are consequences for treating your parents like s**t, and that there are limits to your patience. Those are lessons that will serve him well in many other settings.
Pam said…
I think you are amazingly patient and a wonderful parent. I'm also thinking about how awesome it is that the internet makes it possible to get support from other parents who can assure you that you're not alone.

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