anticipation

I have some anxieties about having this baby. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up with the all the diapers, that Daniel will be jealous and hate me, that I'll lose my mind feeling trapped in our small house with two little kids in the dead of winter and a languishing doctorate in a subject that is only marginally practical...you know, all that stuff. I'm also anxious about the whole labor/birthing thing. I suppose this is because the last time I went through it was a mere 21 months ago and I remember everything just a little too vividly.

But at the same time, there are several things I'm looking forward to about not being pregnant anymore, such as:

1. Enjoying an evening brewsky. I miss my Bell's Oberon, yo.

2. Not having to pee every 10 minutes.

3. Sleeping. I know you think I'm kidding. I am absolutely NOT kidding. And I remember all too well the wacked out sleep patterns of a brand-new baby. However, the last two months of pregnancy with Daniel were absolute HELL when it came to insomnia. I couldn't sleep more than two hours a night, no matter how tired I was. I would intentionally wear myself out walking 2 miles a day, cleaning the house, staying up late, you name it, and none of it worked. After he was born, I could finally, finally go to sleep, given the opportunity. Even though it was never for more than a couple hours at a time (because, you see, Daniel didn't sleep through the night - EVER - until he was well over a year old), it was so much better than the misery of third-trimester insomnia that I didn't realize I was actually sleep-deprived until he was 3 or 4 months old. It hasn't gotten that bad (yet) this pregnancy, except the last week of dissertation writing when stress got the better of me and I was a zombie, but I still wake up and toss and turn and fidget in the middle of the night.

4. Walking like a normal person. When you're carrying an extra 32 pounds, you either have to waddle or do a funny sort of duck-like strut. It ain't sexy.

5. Not having people ask me if I have rosacea. This has happened twice already: once in a grocery store, and once recently at a cosmetics counter. I was getting fancy-pants hand lotion for my mom's birthday and inquired about facial moisturizer for myself when the saleslady asked delicately if I have "rosacea issues" or if it's "just the pregnancy." The stuff she recommended was 32 bucks for one tiny little tub, so I gave it a pass (though it was heavenly, I have to admit).

6. Wearing pants that I don't have to hitch up, and shirts that I don't have to tug down. Also, being able to zip up my jacket. This would have come in handy today, for example, since it was cold enough to snow.

7. Eating yummy cheeses. Pregnant women are evidently more vulnerable to certain kinds of bacteria, so we are told to stay away from soft and crumbly cheeses. Hey, I'd rather avoid them than risk having my insides explode, but I miss my double-cream Brie!

So there you have it. I know it's a pretty superficial list, but all of this stuff adds up after nine months.

Comments

I'm thinking of you right now. And just think of the wonderful sleep you'll be able to get soon.

Big hugs!
Jenn
Pamela said…
You're going to be great, Suze!! I know you're looking forward to that beer, though... :-)
Tooz said…
I seriously, seriously doubt that Daniel will hate you--I don't think he is capable of that type of thinking at this stage. Just like everyone else says, you'll do great.
Becca said…
Suze, I don't think it's superficial at all. It does add up after a while.

During my last trimester, I developed gestational diabetes and had to do blood suagr checks, inject insulin, and follow a restricted carb diet. I did fine with it, but by the time I was ready to deliver, I was ready to kill for a giant bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake big enough to fill my skull. A week after CJ was born, after a well-visit, Tom took us to Chili's on the way home and I placed my dream order. I also remembered why I think Tom is so awesome.
Animal said…
Becca has it right: stuff like that is only superficial to the folks who DON'T put up with it. Whatever "it" is, if it's affecting you, it's not superficial. Y'know, it's the whole "straw/camel's back" thing.

Tess is enjoying her Guinness every night: all that frothy, hoppy goodness increases milk production like there's no tomorrow.

Love the photo from last post; you look great!

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